Vicclap fórum téma:Idegen nyelvű viccek

2020. július 14.
Ma Gál névnapja van.

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Vicclap fórum >> Idegen nyelvű viccek


2010. július 13 06:29:48

#896
nekem8

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2007.09.09
Üzeneteinek száma: 3281

The teacher said; Tommy, this is the fifth day this week you've had to stay after school. What have you to say for yourself?

I'm certainly glad it's Friday, said Tommy.

2010. július 12 08:08:17

#895
nekem8

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2007.09.09
Üzeneteinek száma: 3281

History Teacher: "Why was George Washington standing in the bow of the boat as the army crossed the Delaware?"

Student: "Because he knew if he sat down, he would have to row."

2010. július 12 08:06:49

#894
nekem8

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2007.09.09
Üzeneteinek száma: 3281

It was the middle of the night. Suddenly there was a loud rapping on the doctor's door, followed by a groan. The doctor angrily thrust his head out of the window. "WELL?" he shouted.

"No," moaned the man. "Sick."

2010. július 12 08:00:08

#893
nekem8

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2007.09.09
Üzeneteinek száma: 3281

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at

the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy

25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her

youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens

intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At

the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the

trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They

are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to

marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her

you were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'

2010. július 6 06:49:36

#891
nekem8

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2007.09.09
Üzeneteinek száma: 3281

On a visit to Chicago, a woman was eager to visit a posh department store a few blocks from her hotel. Her husband agreeably hailed a cab. “The lady wants to go to Neiman Marcus,” he told the driver.

The cabby looked over his shoulder at them. “And the gentleman?” he asked. “Does he want to go to the bank?”

2010. július 6 06:49:08

#890
nekem8

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2007.09.09
Üzeneteinek száma: 3281

The trumpet player had been blasting away all day, when there was a knock on his door. “I live next door to you,” he explained. “Do you know I work nights?” “No,” said the trumpet player, “but if you hum a few bars, I’ll get the melody.”

2010. július 6 06:48:40

#889
nekem8

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2007.09.09
Üzeneteinek száma: 3281

Carl used to practice meditation on an old mat. His wife was not happy about the worn-out mat. One day Carl found the rug missing from its usual place. “Where is it?” he asked her sternly. “It has achieved nirvana,” she retorted.

2010. július 6 06:48:16

#888
nekem8

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2007.09.09
Üzeneteinek száma: 3281

Things to do @ Wal-Mart while the significant other is taking his/her sweet time:

1. Get cans of cat food and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it.

2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in house wares," and see what happens.

5. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Put M&M's on layaway.

8. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

10. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

2010. július 5 15:30:44

#886
Zsiráffoltos Foltos Zsiráf

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2009.07.06
Üzeneteinek száma: 425

-What's the difference between the peanut butter and the jam?

-I can't peanut butter my dick into your ass

How I met your mother??

2010. július 6 13:18:47

D

2010. július 5 15:35:55

2010. július 5 07:20:31

#885
Méjdenboj

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2007.02.25
Üzeneteinek száma: 10656

XD

2010. július 5 06:27:21

#884
nekem8

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2007.09.09
Üzeneteinek száma: 3281

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached

a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement

over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain

speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los

Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and

uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY G-D!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen,


I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought


me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

2010. július 5 06:26:52

#883
nekem8

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2007.09.09
Üzeneteinek száma: 3281

Before going to Europe on business, a man drives his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and asks for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requests collateral. "Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce," the man says. The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping and gives the man the $5,000. Two weeks later, the man walks through the bank's doors and asks to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest," the loan officer says. The man writes out a check and starts to walk away. "Wait, sir," the loan officer says. "You are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?" The man smiles, "Where else could I find a safer place to park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"


2010. július 5 06:26:15

#882
nekem8

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2007.09.09
Üzeneteinek száma: 3281

A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic, he said it was his mission. He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, "Now that's addition." In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, "Now that's subtraction." Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation. And both together smiled and said, "That's multiplication." Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision. He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, "That's long division!"

2010. június 30 19:05:19

#881
Falurossza

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2009.03.04
Üzeneteinek száma: 547

A rendőr angolból nyelvvizsgázik. Az elnök egy kérdést tesz fel.
- Hogy van az, hogy "a víziló kártyázik"?
A rendőr gondolkozik, majd végül diadalmasan kijelenti:
- Waterloo Bridge.

2010. június 27 14:27:24

#880
Val

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2007.08.09
Üzeneteinek száma: 1319

* Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
* Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."

2010. június 25 22:47:34

#879
Falurossza

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2009.03.04
Üzeneteinek száma: 547

Magyar-Angol település-szótárHatvan: Sixty
Sárospatak: Muddy Stream
Sátoraljaújhely: Bottom of the Tent New Place
Szeged: Your Nail
Sarkad: Your Heel
Szilvásvárad: Your Plummy Castle
Békés: Peaceful
Szolnok: Callman
Szarvas: Shit Iron
Kardos: Swordy
Kiskunfélegyháza: House of Little Kun Half Past Twelve
Dunaújváros: Danube New City
Tiszaföldvár: Tisza Earth Castle
Szeghalom: Nailpile
Baja: His Matter
Hévíz: Hey! Water!
Kiskunhalas: Little Kun Fishy
Lenti: At down
Mezőkovácsháza: House of Field Smith
Szentes: Sainty
Kisújszállás: Little New Flying
Nyíregyháza: House of Cut One
Szombathely: Saturdayplace

2010. június 25 08:30:33

#878
nekem8

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2007.09.09
Üzeneteinek száma: 3281

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

2010. június 25 08:27:43

#877
nekem8

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2007.09.09
Üzeneteinek száma: 3281

John received a free ticket to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately. John's seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the stadium. He noticed an empty seat 10 rows up from the 50-yard line. He decides to make his way to the empty seat. As he sits down he asks the man next to him if anyone is sitting there. The man told him no, it was empty. John is very excited to have a seat like this at a Super Bowl and asks why in the world no one is using it? The man replied that it was his wife's seat but she passed away. He said this was the first Super Bowl that they have not attended together since they were married in 1968. John said that it was really sad and asked if he couldn't find someone, a relative or a close friend to take the seat?

"No" replied the man, "They're at her funeral!"

ooooooooohhhh!! loool

2011. augusztus 3 20:46:22

2010. június 25 08:23:10

#876
nekem8

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2007.09.09
Üzeneteinek száma: 3281


His father sends a small boy to bed. Five

minutes later....

"Da-ad...."

"What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your

chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."

"WHAT!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

2010. június 25 08:19:36

#875
nekem8

Csatlakozás időpontja: 2007.09.09
Üzeneteinek száma: 3281

Why did Mickey Mouse go to space?
..................... To visit Pluto

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